I dunno why, but I really like this whole blogging thing.

Not in like a, I think you all care what i'm thinking, sort of way.

More in a, I want to write my thoughts out, kind of way.

Anyway, I have found something that I can't help but write about.

The following video is powerful beyond words.

What I say can't do justice, you just have to watch.

Speechless.

The only word to describe how I felt afterward.

My heart hurts for her. And at same time, I feel overwhelming admiration toward her and her sweet son.

She has endured unthinkable trials, ones I cannot begin to comprehend.

It must have been horrible to feel so strongly that she needed to let him live, while strangers and those with the LEAST amount of credibility told her she was selfish for her decision.

To look at your little baby, and know how amazing he is, but know that many can't see past the 'disability'.

Interesting that the 'disability' is blessing lives in ways that those without disabilities can.

My experience with Jon Gabriel is in no way the same as hers.

But I do feel like I have just a very very small idea of what it is like.

To feel that everything is perfect one second, and the next find out your baby most likely won't live.

To be told by one of the most respected specialists in your area that many parents choose to abort in your situation. And they make it sound like in choosing to abort you're doing your baby some sort of favor (As if giving him a chance to live with disabilities is worse then killing him in the womb..)

I know how it feels to have to go on living, knowing there's a good chance you won't bring your baby home with you, all the while feeling your precious angel kicking inside of you.

I know how heart breaking it is to only be able to touch your baby through an incubator, while everyone except you seems to be able to offer him the help he needs.

I know how it feels to wish so badly he could have been given the chance at a 'normal' life, and to feel anger and sadness that he wasn't given that chance.

Lacey Buchanan is an incredible woman and mother.

And one thing is for sure: God knew what He was doing when He sent her Christian.

She has a blog, called "Leading the Blind" you can find it at: http://christianbuchanan.blogspot.com/

Her most recent post talks about what it's like to raise a child like Christian.

She talks about the difficulty, especially in having to deal with people who make fun of him or make comments to her about how wrong it was to not abort him.

After she talks about the difficulties, she says,

"Now that doesn't mean special needs parents are not blessed. We just get blessed in different, and usually BIGGER, ways. Let me tell you something, if I could go back, knowing what I know now, knowing the struggles we would face, I wouldn't change a single thing. I would never change who my son is and who he is becoming, because despite what you might think, and despite what you see, HE IS AMAZING."

I love that.

When I look up at the sky, or walk around the temple, and I think of Jon Gabriel and what he's doing right now, I remember how much he taught me in his 5 short days here.

I remember how it felt to touch his face and his hair and know that one day he is going to be completely healed.

I remember how it felt to know he was given his condition for a reason, and while that was the most difficult thing to accept, the fact that there was purpose behind it helps me understand that God has things planned that we aren't able to see right now.

To know that I do have a son, that he has fulfilled his purpose on earth, and that one day I will raise him again, it's a type of joy i've never experienced before.

Alma describes it best:

"Now, as my mind caught hold upon this thought, I cried within my heart: O Jesus, thou Son of God, have mercy on me, who am in the gall of bitterness, and am encircled about by the everlasting chains of death.

And now, behold, when I thought this, I could remember my pains no more; yea, I was harrowed up by the memory of my sins no more.

And oh, what joy, and what marvelous light I did behold; yea, my soul was filled with joy as exceeding as was my pain!"
- (Alma 36: 18-20 )

God bless this beautiful family! What a great day it will be when Christian is healed, and is able to see the mother who has given all she has for him.