Since we recently celebrated our first year together, and because it was a year full of surprises, both good and bad, I wanted to share this.
Mostly because, when I wrote this note, I had no idea what the future held.
The other night I was going through our study getting things organized, and I found a box of Jon's things.
At the bottom of the box, I found the note.
Even though we were dating other people, I still tried to hang out and talk to him any chance I got.
Mostly because, when I wrote this note, I had no idea what the future held.
The other night I was going through our study getting things organized, and I found a box of Jon's things.
At the bottom of the box, I found the note.
I gave it to Jon for his birthday almost 2 years ago.
Seeing it brought back a flood of memories.
We were friends at the time.
We'd drive home from work together, I would go study at his lab with him, sometimes we'd walk to school together, we'd play sports and spend a lot of time talking after work.
Good friends.
I knew he didn't consider it any more than that, and neither did I, but I did love being around him.
He was a breath of fresh air.
And no one could make me laugh like he could.
I overheard him talking about his future wife once to someone else..
She'd be pretty lucky.. I remember thinking.
I wouldn't have thought in a million years it would be me.
Life went on.
I dated.
He dated.
One day we were sitting in my car after work and I was telling him about a relationship I was in and somehow found myself telling him what I was worried about..
"Stop." He said.
"What?"
"That isn't what you really mean at all.."
"Yeah it is.." I was confused.
"No it's not. You don't have to act like it's ok. I know what you are thinking.." He proceeded to say everything I was thinking.
"You don't have to sugar coat things with me. It's ok to feel that way."
I stared straight ahead.
No one had ever told me that before.
I was used to constantly making things sound like they were OK, even if I didn't feel that way.
That was the point I realized he was different then any other guy I had met.
After I moved back to my house for the semester, I noticed he was on my mind a lot.
I remember being so confused..
Why was I thinking about him so much?
After all, there was no way it would work out.
Not after we'd been friends this long.
I wasn't used to liking a guy this much before he liked me first, and I didn't like that it was happening.
I remember sitting in the kitchen telling my mom my plans for the night.
I mentioned I was gonna go to a party for a friends birthday.
It was Jons.
"Isn't that the boy you always talk about?"
"Yes."
"I've never heard you talk about any boy like you've talked about him."
"Well.."
"When are you gonna date him?"
"Probably never."
"Why is that?"
"It's complicated."
Then she said something that changed everything.
"You'll never know what could've been.."
Mom's.
They always seem to know what you need to hear, even if you don't want to hear it.
But that didn't make it any less complicated.
Before I left, I decided to write him a birthday letter.
I thought it was the perfect mystery letter.
I was an expert at giving mixed signals..
Am I right??
I just threw in a little, glad you'll have more free time this summer, without actually saying lets hang out everyday because I would love that..
You know?
Well it worked.
The next week, when I saw him at work I said,
"So did you like my letter?" :)
"I loved it. But it bugged me." (He's always really honest.)
"What do you mean??"
"Why can't you come to my lab anymore?"
"Well.. I dunno I guess since we both aren't really in classes.."
I didn't really have an excuse, I wasn't really sure why I put that part in.
Life went on.
He invited me places with his friends.
He continued to wait for me after work so that we could chat about life.
The conversations covered deeper topics.
His testimony, his mission, his dreams..
I felt like I was home.
You know that feeling when you are apart from one of your best friends for years, and when you meet up it's as if nothing had changed?
That's what it felt like.
I knew he was in my life for a reason.
I didn't know what that reason was yet.
That weekend we saw a movie with lots of friends.
Nothing changed.
Except I noticed he was a little more quiet around me.
One thing about Jon, he's never awkward.
Like ever.
And he's not a shy person at all.
So when he wasn't saying very much to me, I knew something was up.
But for some reason, something in me told me it wasn't over.
Saturday morning I woke up and felt a lot better.
I just felt grateful that I was able to have him as a good friend and that I learned so much from him.
I knew that even if we didn't stay friends, I'd always think highly of him and appreciate all that he taught me.
I was texting people throughout the day, and as I checked my phone, I started looking over texts with him.
They made me laugh.
I couldn't believe I had come to like someone that much without them showing any interest in me.
That was never how it worked before, and I hated not being in control.
I wondered if we'd ever text again..
That's when my phone rang.
My heart skipped a beat when his named popped up on the screen, but deep down I was almost expecting it.
"Hello?" I answered.
"Maddie."
"Hi Jon."
"Will you go out with me tonight?"
I kept my cool.
"Hm.. Yeah that will work."
We talked a little longer. I could hear something in his voice I had never ever heard before.
He was nervous.
I knew at that moment, things were going somewhere.
I tried to keep my mind occupied for the rest of the day until he got here.
The truth is, I was nervous too.
This wasn't like any date I had been on.
I was going with my best friend.
How would it end?
I felt butterflies when I heard him knock on the door.
When we got in his car, we were laughing about something.
Then he asked, "What were you thinking when I called you?"
I didn't miss a beat.
"I was thinking, it's about time!"
We laughed.
I wondered what I was so worried about.
