I remember walking out of the ultrasound over a year ago, where we'd found out our son would most likely not live. I wanted so desperately to fast forward a year, and know where we'd be. "Would his death make everyday unbearable?" "Would I find happiness again?" "Would we be drowned in hospital debt?" "Would my body heal completely?"
And now, a year later, those questions have finally been answered. I am happy. There are dark days, there are a lot of difficult moments. But I've taken it one day at a time, and I feel like I've found myself again. We don't have anymore hospital bills, and my body is more than healed. Physically at least.
And it's by far been the hardest year I've ever had, but it's over. We've made it. And that called for a celebration! We got together with family and friends and met at his headstone, took pictures, sang songs, wrote him notes and tied them to balloons and sent them off into the sky.
I struggled knowing I couldn't do very much for him, since he's not here right now. But I could do a little, and it felt good to spend the whole day in his honor.
My Aunt Amanda made me that adorable wreath that I can hang up the week of May 3rd every year, my Mom and Mother-in-law brought flowers and balloons, and we all brought food and went and played and ate at the park after.
My favorite part of the day was watching how cute and funny all the littles were. They were so excited to write notes/draw pics and let them go into the sky. It was a beautiful day, and it felt so good to know he is remembered by many.
♥♥♥♥♥♥