Guys how cute is this wanna be fashion post? If you care, i'll tell you where I got everything! If you don't care (I don't blame you) keep scrolling:)
Shirt: Clad and Cloth
Jacket: H&M
Bottom Jacket: Old Navy
Pants: Gap
Boots: Francesca's
It seriously poured buckets the afternoon we shot this! Can you tell through all the pictures I got more and more soaked? haha it was freezing but so fun.
Also my sister and her friend? Babes.
As for an update, life has been somewhat bearable lately, thanks to some amazing people. Some days, it takes everything I have just to make it through the day. Who knew that the hardest part of a broken heart is getting out of bed in the morning?
I mean, yes, I did bail on some friends that went to the Neon Trees concert friday. I had had a long day and felt too down to go out, and then I kinda regretted it later.
But for the most part I get everything done that I need to and I don't let myself get too down. Mostly I just don't allow my thoughts to wander very often, because that's where the darkness lies. The why's and the what if's will kill me if I let them, so I just try not to go there.
Overall there are more and more good days, but for some reason the bad days are the worst they've been?
I think part of that is because my divorce is final in less than 3 weeks. I was just telling my counselor yesterday everything I miss and everything I don't. And one thing that helped me to pinpoint was that I miss having that connection with someone who also lost my same baby. You know? He went through it too, and we will always share that part, no matter what.
No matter how hard it gets, I know deep down that this is all part of my purpose here. Everyone asks me if I regret getting married, and my answer will always be not a single bit.
No matter how hard it was, I learned so much about myself, love, and life that I wouldn't know any other way. I was able to develop in ways I didn't even know that I needed to prior to being married. Plus I wouldn't have a sweet little angel watching over me right now, so in no way do I regret it.
Do I wish the outcome could have been different? 100%. I never saw this coming, and it's been so hard to adjust to a new life where suddenly I'm on my own. But one of the best parts about life is that we are free to make our own choices. And one of the most difficult is that we can't control the choices others make.
Sometimes I do question my self worth. I wonder if I'll ever be worth the effort to anyone, and I wonder if I will one day get a chance to fulfill my calling as a wife and mother.
Then other times I realize I'm a freaking champion. I know without a doubt I'll get where I need to be, I just need to keep doing what I know to be right and improving myself.
And in the process, I'm trying to look outward. I think some things just can't be fixed no matter how much we look inside ourselves, and so we need to shift our focus on how we can help others, and in the process those things will fix themselves.
One of my favorite quotes from the book "Self Esteem Issues and Answers":
"I cannot live without others, but my life starts with me. I call it proper selfishness, the search for ourselves that, paradoxically, we often pursue best through our involvement with others. To be properly selfish is to accept a responsibility for making the most of one's self by, ultimately, finding a purpose beyond and bigger than one's self. It is the paradox of Epicureanism, that we best satisfy ourselves when we look beyond ourselves."
What can you do today to look outside yourself? :)
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