The 2 year mark came and went, and before I knew it I had made it through the worst days of every year: May 3rd - May 7th. His 2 year mark was more painful than I anticipated, but by the end of the day, I saw the beauty in all of it. I knew I could make it another year.
Not that I have a choice.
I guess I would consider myself to be strong, but I'm not sure I know what the other option is? Is the other option to avoid all the pain by just laying in bed all day, watching netflix, and sleeping?
Because that's extremely tempting.
But I guess strength comes when I choose not to let my day consume me, and instead choose to face it, no matter how discouraged I feel.
I've been volunteering lately as a way to build my resume and get my mind off of things. And I've realized that the key to having the energy to make it through every single day, is by giving it away.
I will always get depressed when I realize life hasn't gone how I planned. When I think about how I've envisioned my life turning out, I literally want to burst into laughter/tears when I realize how it went so opposite what I had expected.
But maybe it's because I'm asking the wrong question?
Maybe when we focus less on what we want from the world, and more on what we have to offer the world, maybe that is what makes each day worth living.
Maybe by removing the grand expectations of wanting to make an x amount of money, and have a spouse with x amount of qualities, and having x amount of kids while living in a place that has x amount of opportunities..
No wonder it's so easy to get depressed at times. That's a lot to be disappointed by.
With each new expectation that isn't entirely fulfilled, with each new disappointment we have to face, there comes a need to shift how you view your life and the things that happen to you.
And when I choose to look at life as an opportunity to become my best self, and to dedicate myself to the world around me, suddenly it is all less overwhelming.
When the goal is to become someone that will make the world a better place, everything is so much less disappointing. Because when all the wild expectations are removed, any step in the right direction is a step upward.
So because of that, I'll begin another day. There's so much out there to experience, so many opportunities to become what God and the people in my life (or going to be in my life) need me to be, and I don't want to miss it.
♥♥♥♥♥♥