Some Cali pics:) ^^^
I don't know how to start these posts anymore. I'm not gonna begin with saying "life has been great lately" because that wouldn't be accurate, but it hasn't just been okay either. It's been lots of things, and I can't seem to think of a single word that sums up the emotions.. so I'm not going to try.
I had an epiphany this weekend. This usually happens when I drift from my normal routine and I have more time to think things through.
Saturday, it came after a combination of events. I had run 7 miles that morning, longer than I have in awhile. I fell asleep doing homework. I woke up to my sister calling me asking if I wanted to go see the movie "If I stay" with her. I needed to do homework, but I knew deep down it would be good to get out, so I went.
The movie was better than I expected. But perhaps even better is the understanding I gained from it.
I realized that one of the major reasons for my feelings of unhappiness and discontentment is because my life hasn't fallen under the blanket of what is considered to be "normal".
I've been striving to reach this level of normal, one that is stressed so strongly especially in our LDS culture. We graduate high school, boys go on mission, and girls either work, go on a mission, or go to school. Eventually we meet our forever, get married fairly young, have kids, graduate, buy a house, and grow old together.
At least that is considered to be the norm. But one thing I've come to understand is that normal doesn't actually exist. Sometimes your "forever" ends up hurting you more than anyone, sometimes you have babies and sometimes those babies die. Sometimes you have a hard time getting pregnant all together. Sometimes parents or siblings or spouses die unexpectedly. Sometimes, people for whatever reason don't serve a full time mission, don't get married right away or even ever, and sometimes they do. In an instance, health can be taken from us, money and objects can disappear, relationships can be strained, and your life can be everything the opposite of what you expected. In other words, sometimes things don't go at all how you planned.
And maybe if we stop expecting our lives to turn out a certain way we can stop feeling so sorry for ourselves when our life doesn't play out "normally".
Maybe it's not meant to. And maybe that's okay. Because Christ doesn't compare our best to our neighbors best. All He cares about is what we each have to offer individually.
Whether or not that falls under the "norm".
I didn't expect to have to learn this at 22. I thought I had at least a few more years of naive bliss where I just thought of marriage as happily ever after and that babies are always born healthy and live full and happy lives.
I see that sometimes, it's not meant to go that way. Sometimes, we have to lose in order to gain. And that maybe there's a plan that's bigger than all of us.
It's kind of a relief when you think about it. Trying to be normal is exhausting. I'd rather just be me.
The rest can take care of itself. And it will. So there's no point in worrying about it anyway:)
♥♥♥♥♥♥