Moving On

 

I took my last (and hardest) final a couple of weeks ago! I even got the words next to my score! Aka 91%:) It feels so good to be done! As I spend the last few days at my on campus job this week, I've been able to reflect on my experience here. I was worried I'd leave BYU feeling nothing but bitterness for the fact that I was married my sophomore year and divorced my senior year. Walking on campus and driving through provo, it's hard not to have even the smallest things trigger a memory of my married days. 

But those memories no longer feel painful. I'm not bitter. Well that's not true. I'm not bitter toward my experience here at the Y. In fact, certain things have helped me appreciate even more my opportunity to study here. I'm very lucky. 

Though I was raised just 10 mins north, Provo has become my home. I've worked on campus for 4 years (first half for BYU maintenance, second half as a locksmith). I've conquered 2 semesters while pregnant. I've made some of my closest friends while playing pick up games at the Richards building. I completed a 200 hour long internship at Curves in provo, and I've buried my son at the cemetery on 9th east and state. I've lived on campus in married housing where I made lifelong friendships and had opportunities to serve that have shaped who I am today. I've been given a scholarship for writing about my son, which to me means his story will continue to live on. I've switched my major at the Y three different times, which is why I ended up with a Communications minor. Despite my Exercise and Wellness major, I've made more Swig trips than I am proud of. I have taken random classes unrelated to my major just for the fun of it, such as Intro to Print Publishing and Advanced Scuba Diving. I've volunteered for Women's Resources where I've started a divorce support group, and met some great people with amazing experiences. 

Since getting divorced, I've developed deeper and more meaningful friendships and less superficial ones. I've learned to care less about what people think and more about what my God and Savior think. I've learned that a journey toward change sometimes includes 2 steps forward and 1 step backward, but each day I need to give my best to make it 3 steps forward. I've learned that sometimes, the best I have to give is just getting out of bed in the morning and not having a break down during the day, and sometimes that's good enough. I've also learned I'm stronger than I give myself credit for, as there are few that have walked my same path and I need to be more patient with myself. 

All in all, I'm content with my experiences, and i'll always be grateful for the impact they've had on my life. But now, there's really nothing left for me here. I'm more than ready and eager to move on. I was planning on leaving the state to go nanny somewhere as soon as I finished. To me, there is something so fulfilling and even somewhat healing about nannying, and maybe someday I still will. 

But as for right now, I've found a great job with a lot of potential in Salt Lake, and i'll be moving up there this week. 

I'm leaving the memories behind and going to find my life elsewhere. I know the Lord has a plan for me, and i'm confident that in this moment, it's not here. 

♥♥♥♥♥♥