Lately, I've leaned on the words of others to understand what it is I'm feeling. I've learned there are different types of pain, and being able to recognize not just the fact that I'm hurting, but why I am, allows me learn what I need in order to feel whole again. It's also helped me see how I don't want to make people feel.
I heard once that pain is just the voice in your head that tries to hold you back because it knows if you continue, you will change.
Change has seemed to be a constant in my life the last few years.
To go back to who I was even a year ago, would be like going back and taking classes in middle school.
The reality is, I've outgrown that. No matter how hard I try, I can't unsee what I've seen, I can't unexperience what I've experienced, and I can't unfeel what I've felt.
And somehow, I know even less coming out of it than I did going into it.
The difference is, I no longer let what I don't know dictate how I live my life.
I accept that there will be times when I feel fear, but I don't live my life based on what I fear.
I've never believed in the concept of "fearing God over fearing man."
Why are we fearing to begin with?
I don't believe in a God that wants us to fear Him, or anyone for that matter.
I believe in a God that loves us with a love we can't even comprehend. He wants us to learn what it means to have pure love. He knows that if we learn to truly love Him, we won't do anything to harm others or ourselves.
1 John 4:7-8 "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love."
Learning to act out of love is far greater than acting out of fear, whether it's fear of punishment or fear of condemnation. People who fear God or others, don't act out of love.
Pride, arrogance, and shaming have no place in the gospel of Christ. These are all the direct result of acting based off of deep rooted fears. Acceptance, tolerance, and understanding are the results of real love.
Love is the most moving force in the universe, and every single problem, every sin, every heartache, can be traced back to a time when there was a lack of it.
Loving people based on whether they meet certain criteria, means believing people have to earn the right to be loved.
I don't believe in that. I never will.
I believe you are worthy of love, always. God's love is not earned.
His love is unconditional.
You have no reason to fear. You are His. And that is enough.
Any God that would applaud someone for making you feel any less is not a God I believe in.
And sometimes, learning to accept this truth, learning to accept yourself for who you are and love yourself despite your imperfections, takes the most courage of all.
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