I've been meaning to post some pictures of my brothers wedding last month. The whole thing was stunning and I was on a wedding high the rest of the weekend. They had a wedding dinner the night before, above is the slideshow I created for it. Going through all the photos of them as babies and seeing my family in our younger stages made me all kinds of emotional. Life moves so fast and sometimes I want more than anything to go back to the innocent days where nothing mattered except your family and best friends and the occasional spelling test and soccer practice.
When I look back I remember Michael and I being glued at the hip. I remember the hours we spent pretending the backyard was a jungle, and the walnuts that fell were bombs or sometimes bullets or food or whatever we wanted them to be that day. And I remember once he fell out of one of the trees and totally shattered his jaw, and I was a little excited because it meant I could go sleep over at my friends house while my parents stayed at the hospital but mostly I was terrified. I was terrified seeing my best friend laying in a bed unable to move his head because it had become so swollen. He and I had similar friends and we played together all the time, and even though we fought a lot, he was my person. And seeing him that day, all damaged and cut up and broken, I realized how much my 9 year old self loved him. How much I couldn't live without him.
The years went on and there was a lot of playing Tony Hawk on nintendo 64 and soccer games and basketball games and me wishing I could skateboard like him, and there were more friends that came and went and our other siblings were born and there was more pretending and fighting and growing together.
So as you can imagine that it was difficult for me, a decade later, to tell him I wouldn't be able to attend his wedding.
He and Alisha were one of the first weddings to take place in the Payson Temple, which is beyond stunning. There's literally no wedding i'd rather be at.
I put off telling him this as long as I could. The last thing I wanted was for him to think it didn't matter to me. In a weird way, it's because it did matter to me, that I thought it was best not to go.
I held off until the last possible minute telling him. Literally until the day before.
"Maddie, I would rather have you be true to yourself and not attend, rather then go because everyone will notice if you're not there."
That's why he's such a stud, Michael.
And so despite not being there, the wedding dinner was a blast and the day was nothing but beautiful.
And after all of it, I realized how much I value authenticity. And how much I appreciate people that value you it also.
And maybe that's what I miss so much about those early childhood days. Those days when it was okay to be you, and nothing else. Those days when you didn't feel pressure to put on a face that was anything but who you were.
And now even though I look back and glorify those earlier days, I realize that we always have the choice to recreate what we loved about our childhood.
Even though we may have outgrown a lot of our childhood dreams, we can still choose to be fascinated by the world and approach mundane/boring tasks with curiosity and excitement. We can still choose to show the same dedication and loyalty to the people in our lives as we did to our best friend growing up. And we can decide to look past people's looks or social status, and instead be nice to them because they need friends and we need friends and that should always be a good enough reason.
Everyday we can make a choice to be completely and utterly ourselves. Especially about the "holes" in our lives. The things that make us imperfect and human. Maybe God put the holes there because that's what brings people together. And maybe in order to do that you have to accept the holes you have as a part of who you are, and not try to hide them.
And by choosing not to hide them, it allows you to weed out the people who don't accept your holes because they're unwilling to accept their own. And in the process, you're left with the best kind of people, the one's that accept you because you have holes, not in spite of them.
My favorite author Glennon Melton, talked about these "holes", our imperfections and trials, and the things that make us human. She said:
"Holes are good for making friends, and friends are the best hole fillers i've found yet. Maybe because other people are closest we get to God on this side. So when we use our holes to find God in each other, we become holy."
And one thing is for sure, we can't find God in each other if we aren't being true to who we are and admitting we have holes in the first place.
So special thanks to Michael and Alisha for being true to who they are and finding each other in the process. Thank you for letting us celebrate both of you.
And thanks for allowing me to be true to who I am. I'm excited for all the years that lie ahead. Holes, and all.
