hikes up cottonwood canyon ^
One of my favorite things about blogging is hearing from people i've never met in person or that I haven't heard from in awhile. I love when people reach out. I love that when the foundation is love and respect, we can always find common ground. Sometimes humans are difficult, but for the most part people fascinate me and I find myself able to learn from everyone I come in contact with.
Lately, in my conversations with people, i've learned something about happiness.
I've been asked a lot, "Are you happy?”
For the most part, I think what is really being asked is, “Are you doing the things that bring you true happiness?"
It’s a question we’re all used to. We’re wired to pursue happiness. Whether it’s temporary satisfaction, or the long term joy that comes from fulfilling our goals, finding deeper meaning, and creating a life we love.
The problem is, this constant search for happiness causes us to turn our back on the other parts of the puzzle. The parts that are just as important:
Sadness. Disappointment. Rejection.
The kind of heartache you can feel in your bones.
The kind that destroys you piece by piece, and causes you to come completely undone.
But in the end, it's exactly what leads you to grow, expand, and become reborn.
Everyone talks about how pain makes us stronger but as soon as something becomes painful we try to fluff it up with words like “cheer up” and “move on” and “at least”.
It’s a beautiful thing to embrace the light, but in the process, you shouldn't fear the darkness.
Fearing the darkness, the nitty gritty things that can be tedious and uncomfortable and scary, it's the quickest way to create a life everyone else is proud of vs what you're proud of.
That’s why to me, the ultimate goal isn't happiness.
It’s wholeness.
When the goal is wholeness, we learn to live our truth whether or not it’s making us happy all the time.
Because sometimes, living your truth means knowing people don't approve of the choices you make.
Sometimes it means acknowledging that all the feelings, the happy ones and the painful ones, they matter.
And sometimes, it means being willing to let go of the things that no longer feed your soul and allow you to be your best self.
Wholeness doesn’t always = joy.
But then again, things like growth and truth, they don’t always = joy either.
And it’s a good thing too. I’ve never found a real, meaningful connection with someone by talking about how easy and wonderful life is.
We connect on the hard stuff. The stuff that has destroyed us and led us to becoming stronger, deeper, and a little less cold.
So it’s okay to ask yourself from time to time, are you happy?
But Hugh Mackay said it best when he said “What we should really be asking ourselves is, “Is this contributing to my wholeness? And if you’re having a bad day. It is.”
So are you having a bad day?
That might not be such a bad thing after all.
♥♥♥♥♥♥