Here’s the deal. I’m going to share some thoughts that might not fall under your umbrella of beliefs completely.
And I need you to do me just one favor: don’t shut me out.
Because the thing is,
I need you. Most of you.
Yes this blog allows me to voice things i’ve learned and experienced, and the more I write the more I feel the need to write. And I really appreciate you tolerating that.
But those of you who have been there all along.. I know who you are. And I value your input and the connection we have.
At times you've reached out to me saying what i’ve said on here has made a difference in your life at some point.
But here’s another fact that's even more important: each one of you, has made a difference in mine. Your support, whether public or behind the scenes, I feel it. My view toward you won't change whether or not we see the world from the same lens.
Now if you do take offense easily, this would be the point where you should stop reading. Because I can't go the rest of my life without splitting open a bit, and saying what i’ve felt deep down for a long, long time.
While it's sad to think I might lose some of you over this, I guess I'm worried about losing myself more. And this space of mine, it’s me. And like I said in my last post, authenticity is a daily practice. The more I go through life, the more I crave it.
And I think people can still jive without having to agree on everything. Hopefully you see it that way too. If you don’t, I guess we were never meant to jive anyway.
So, I went to Cali a few weeks ago. I've had a few people ask “do you live in cali now?” because I seem to post about being in california a lot. The answer to that is no. I don’t. Not even close. I wish I did. I just am lucky enough to have family, the Gorey’s, that go a lot and they invite me along. I’m lucky.
We stayed at the Demetria Winery guest house located in the middle of the most beautiful vineyard you’ve ever seen.
And of course, I accidentally left my camera battery charging in our hotel room in vegas. so I couldn’t use my camera the whole time I was there. I did take a few pics on my phone (above).
But after being there I realized there are some things that even the best camera can't capture, and spending all your time trying just means missing the beauty of all of it. So maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing I was cameraless for a whole weekend. Or maybe i’m just trying to make myself feel better. Probably the latter.
Now here’s where the honesty comes in. For the past few months, I’ve come to view the world in a way I never have.
They say that suffering introduces you to yourself and reminds you that you're not the person you thought you were. Maybe losing my son and my marriage were a catalyst to where i’m at.
Some people might feel sorry for me because of it. But I don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t see it as coincidental and I’m forever grateful for that. It has allowed me to reach a place where I can love in the best way I know how. I need that. I think we all need that for ourselves.
And I appreciate that authenticity is freeing and empowering at times. But often times it means losing people that only value you as much as you agree with them.
And that’s what i’ve felt recently. Yes, being real is a good way to weed out the people that hear your story and judge you for it.
But it’s also kind of depressing in the process. It’s hard when people you love make it clear their love for you is contingent on you meeting certain criteria.
But it’s life. I can’t control how other people view me, and worrying about it is the best way to get nowhere, fast. But it’s okay to be sad over it, I think.
So that first morning in the vineyard, I woke up at the crack of dawn. It’s only on vacations that I can’t sleep past 6 AM. Which is crazy considering I have a hard time waking up before 8 AM on regular days.
I got ready to go for a run and as soon as I stepped outside I felt a rush that only comes when you're surrounded by nothing except trees and hills and vines. Nature is powerful. That’s why I try and spend as much time in it as I can.
After awhile I decided to stop and gather my thoughts because everything was weighing on me, in that moment. Knowing that certain people in my life wouldn’t accept me, especially if they knew everything about me. That I wouldn’t fall under their criteria as righteous and steadfast, and that somehow that made me less of a person. I was feeling the weight of all of that. I’ve always found praying out loud to be a good way to get my thoughts together.
So you guys. I stood in the middle of this big vineyard and I said a prayer. Right then and there.
I let God, in whatever form He is, know that I was open to being wrong about where i’m at. But that it doesn’t feel wrong. That it feels freeing in a way. That the world has never been black and white to me, and now that I have stepped outside the box and have seen life from another perspective, things feel so much more clear.
Finally I said, “If there’s something you’d like me to know, now is the perfect time to tell me.”
I closed my eyes and basked in the silence, literally not a sound from all angles.
And I felt complete peace. I felt a sense of familiarity in a way, like deep down I always knew I’d make it to this point.
That's when I opened my eyes and looked toward the ground, and I saw next to my left shoe was a rock. A rock in the shape of a perfect heart. I picked it up and immediately my mind knew:
It’s about love. It always has been.
And the thing is, that’s what i’ve felt deep down since I can remember. And at times, i’ve ignored this statement. I’ve allowed myself to care more about how i’m appearing to be as opposed to how I actually view and treat others.
But the reality is that love is the whole reason we are here.
And that’s why I have a hard time especially recently with certain political, religious, and societal viewpoints.
I’ve never found peace in the “Us vs Them” mentality.
The good people vs. the evil people.
To me all I hear from these view points is “this is what I think it means to be a good person” and then the others side saying “Well this is what I think it means to be a good person” and then you’ve got people that are on the “Lord’s side” or on the “Equal rights for everyone” side and those on “Satan’s side” and I believe splitting people into categories is just a lot more complicated than that.
I don’t do categories. Not for humans. All categories do is divide. And humans are bigger than that, I think.
Because sometimes the meanest people are actually disguised as the God worshiping people. And sometimes the "sinful" ones, the ones that dress different and drink different things and may hold different views, sometimes they are some of the most sincere people you’ll ever meet.
And the point is: neither is better than the other.
The God I know gave the two most important laws, to love Him with all that we have. And to love others the same.
He didn't really clarify much else outside of that, and I think it's because clarification wasn't needed.
And that’s why, I do believe sometimes courage means standing up for what you believe, but for the most part, I see courage as being willing to shut up, and listen to why someone else sees things the way they do.
Sometimes I think it is far more courageous to stop defending and promoting and persecuting and shouting our point of view, and instead, listen to what the person in front of us has to say.
To ask, “What do you think?”
And then listen to the answer. Really listen. And I think if you do, it might occur to you that maybe:
Just maybe, there's a small chance that the people on the other side, are acting out of love too?
And just because it looks different than what you think it means to love or be loved, doesn’t mean they’re wrong.
It’s the easiest thing in the world to read a one sided view of everything and then form opinions on it. It’s easy to hang out and love people that view the world like you do. You want to know what’s far more difficult?
Empathy. Empathy and understanding for people whose journey here might look a little different form yours.
I believe empathy is where all virtue originates.
As we shift our focus from trying to be understood and instead to understanding, to empathizing rather then convincing, we might find that people are more like us than we think.
Because we all want our kids to be safe and we all need affection and acceptance and want to be loved for who we are not for who others think we should be.
Which allows the questions to arise: is there a chance we’re all on the same team?
And in the vineyard that day, when I looked down to see that perfect heart shaped rock, I knew the answer to that question was YES.
So much YES.
And that’s why love, pure love, it’s eternal. There is always enough of it to go around.
So the whole love people but hate their sin and accept them as a person but don’t accept their lifestyle etc.
Geez. To me that is making a really simple issue, really complicated. All I see in words like that is a HUGE amount of grey area. And when it comes to real love, there is no grey area. That's why it's the most powerful force in the world.
So I've now chosen a simpler approach. When the choice comes between choosing to love a book vs. loving a human being, I will choose the human being EVERY SINGLE TIME.
Because I think a lack of love and understanding will cause far more problems than any of the issues we all like to debate over, combined.
And if we are really needing to choose issues to be passionate about, maybe we should pick issues that require US to change rather then OTHERS to change. That’d be good, I think.
Whether or not we view things the same way, do me a favor and try really hard today to love the parts of yourself you’ve been taught to hate. Instead of dwelling on all the reasons you're not good enough because of everything you've been told, change it up a bit and accept yourself. Exactly as you are.
Because I don't think those raw and real parts of yourself need to be fixed, because I don't think they're broken. And giving yourself permission to accept you for you makes it easier to accept others for who they are.
And if you’re ever having a hard time thinking of why you're good enough, reach out to me. I’ll be happy to help you come up with a (long) list of reasons.
Thanks to all my friends out there. The ones who view the world like I do and the ones who don't. I'm glad we can respect each other without always agreeing with each other.
But I think the beautiful part is that when we really look at the stuff that matters, we have more in common than you might think.
♥♥♥♥♥♥